Year 2008, Day #363: Dave attempts to fill in one of those weird, bafflingly personal/impersonal MySpace questionnaires without breaking character, or lying to make himself seem Super Awesome.
Who do you text the most?
I couldn't work this out, so a cursory glance at my Inbox would suggest an equal tie between Dave George, Duncan and Mike 1.
Do you wish you had smaller feet?
No
Has a rumor been spread about you?
Yes, but not for over 5 years.
Are you a gullible person?
Yes
Are you easy to get along with?
Hopefully, that's the goal anyway.
When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
No, nor vice versa.
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
No
Are you in a complicated relationship?
Relationships between humans are never simple.
Do you hate more than 3 people?
Yes, but not too many more. No one I can't easily avoid, thereby saving myself the trouble of actively hating them.
Are you too forgiving?
No. People ought to be more forgiving anyway.
Do you like your hair color?
Yes, could be straighter though. You can't enjoy heavy metal to its fullest with a shaven head.
Name 3 people who you talked to today?
Parents, colleague Ken
What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Sleeping
Last person you talked to on the phone?
Branch Manager of Interlink Express depot in Slough.
Do any of your friends have children?
Yes
Are you wearing make up?
No.*
When was the last time you spoke to someone you dont like?
Saturday
Has a boy/girl ever called you baby?
Not seriously, honeybunch.
Have you ever kissed on a boat?
No, although I did stalk on a ferry.
What bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine
Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?
No
Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won' t tell?
Difficult question. I think my friends are decent enough to know what they can "tell" and what they can't, but the best way to ensure people don't repeat things is to not tell anyone in the first place.
Do you want kids?
I could probably handle it, I would likely enjoy it a lot, but "want" is not a word I would use.
Did you go out or stay in last night?
Stayed in
Do you like to text or call more?
About the same
Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
I can't be my "complete self" at work, but anywhere else and in any other company - yes, lots of people.
Looking back in time did you ever waste your time on a certain boy/girl?
Pass. No time is truly wasted anyway.
Have you ever had a really big fight with your best friend?
No, but I don't have a best friend either.
Can you touch your toes?
Fucking no chance.
Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
Probably, but not in any serious way.
Do you say sorry first?
Before what? Excuse my childlike innocence.
Has someone promised you something and broke it?
Yes, but such is the nature of people. I've never made anyone promise anything that would destroy me if it were broken.
Have you ever been cheated on?
I can answer "no" with more confidence than most people.
Who was your last text from?
I can't remember.
Last time somebody hurt you physically?
The lead singer from Mob Rules elbowed me in the face a few weeks ago.
Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
Butter
Will you be in bed within twenty minutes?
No
Would you rather be a fish or a bird?
I already can swim and don't much care for it. Flying would be awesome though, so a bird.
Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
No
Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
Exactly the same, minus one drummer and with slightly blacker lungs.
In the past week have you cried?
No
Who was the last person you were in a car with except for family?
Dave George, Mark and James W.
Is it easy for someone to make you smile?
Yes, very. Yet I apparently have a reputation for being a miserable bastard, which I resent slightly.
Meet anyone new this year?
Of course. If you've stopped meeting new people you might as well stop getting out of bed in the morning.
Have you ever told anyone you were OK when you really weren’t?
Yes
Do you think anyone in general out there loves you?
My parents and my nan I'm sure. Also, "in general" serves no purpose in the above sentence.
If you could change your eye color would you?
No, there's nothing wrong with brown eyes.
Can a girl and a boy be best friends without having feelings for each other?
Yes. Mulder and Scully managed it perfectly well, if you exclude how she was artificially inseminated with Mulder's sperm but it turned out the baby might not have been his because it was actually an Alien-Human Hybrid/Supersoldier with telekenetic powers.
Have you ever dated someone to get back at someone else?
No, though I'm sure it would be fun if I was a bit of a cunt.
Last boy in your room?
Mike 1 came over before we went to see ISIS.
Are you close to your mum?
I suppose so. We argue constantly, but it never really amounts to much.
Do you wear your feelings all over your face?
Hopefully not.
Have you ever dated someone twice?
No
Does it bother you when people hate you?
Yes, intensely.
When did you last hit rock bottom?
Christmas '05 to Spring '06 I can hardly remember.
Do you think abortions are horrible?
Biologically yes, they're pretty gnarly and I wouldn't want to do one myself. But morally... ultimately, there's nothing to say because it will never be a choice I'll have to make.
What do you think of people who do drugs?
They have the best stories and are usually more awesome than me.
Why did your last relationship end?
For further details, see the lyrics to "I Know It's Over" by The Smiths, and insert more dick jokes.
Have you kissed more than 10 people in 2008?
I doubt it.
What deadly sin are you most guilty of?
Sloth is top, with Envy shoulder-barging Gluttony for the 2nd place.
What do you want right now?
Happiness, Love and Comradeship, but there is a very nice looking cheese baguette in the fridge that will do for now.
Does anyone hate you?
Yes, a few people. But they're up their own arses anyway.
Have you ever lost someone in your family?
Not immediate family, but yes - two grandparents and an aunt.
Do you have any secrets?
Yes, lots.
Have you ever touched an elephant before?
Yes. When I was younger on holiday in Greece, a circus set itself up next to the hotel and tied its elephant up outside. They let it off for a walk at some point too.
Do you believe girls fight too much?
Wouldn't know. As a generalisation, they over-analyse.
Have you ever walked in on people having sex?
No, but I've already been in the room before they started a couple of times. Also I did barge in on a couple having sex so I could retrieve my lager from next to the bed.
What would you like to say to the first person you kissed this year?
It will have been either a family member or a mate, so I'm not sure.
Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
Yes, but no one's properly shat on my soul as yet.
Do you think the drinking age should be lowered to 16?
No, it would be chaos.
Ever kissed someone else's girlfriend/boyfriend?
I don't just go around kissing everybody and making notes, who the fuck wrote this shit**?
What's a fact about the last person who was the opposite sex, who had their arms around you?
I'm not sure. It was probably on Saturday at some point, but I don't know who.
What do you currently hear right now?
Fan heaters and typing
Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Christmas Day from my aunt.
What are your chances of getting with the person you like?
Low, I suppose.
Could you go a day without eating?
I doubt it
What was the reason you got grounded for last?
I'm 22 for crying out loud.
Do you know anyone that smokes weed?
Yes.
Do you still talk to the person you last dated?
I don't "date" people, and even if I did I wouldn't call it "dating".
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a C?
Yes
When it comes to the opposite sex, what's your "type"?
I'm not sure, there are many levels of expectation and preference depending on what you're actually looking for. Many will humour a horrible slag just for some quick sex, which I wouldn't do. Many will ignore those they find most beautiful because they themselves are not beautiful enough to succeed, which is a shame and somewhat self-defeating. Other people think human relationships are nothing more than an S&M Bar tarted up as a Circus disguised as Real Life, and end up on the internet shagging an exhaust pipe or picking shards of glass out of their own anus. I'm just thankful I fall into none of those groups, and the jury is still out on what exactly is "my type".
Where is the furthest place you've travelled?
Tampa Bay, Florida
How long does it take you to shower?
5-10 minutes
What was the last thing that you drank?
Coffee
If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
A gig to play tonight, in the middle of a tour. And someone to come with me.
Does anyone love you?
Hasn't this question already been asked?
How has this week been?
It's Monday afternoon, so if we're counting last week then it's been excellent. Good food, good tunes, good times, good people. What else could I need?
Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you?
It was Dave George.
Do you curse in front of your parents?
About a tenth of the amount I curse in front of others, but yes I do.
Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
Er... probably?
Did anyone see you kiss that last person you kissed?
Yes
When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
No one has cut their ties with me acrimoniously as far as I know, but many friends have up and left town. They seem perfectly happy where they are and I don't sit around wailing over their absence, but I always stay in contact.
Have you ever fell asleep in someones arms?
Outside of infancy, no.
What are you doing tonight?
Curry at the new restaurant in Totteridge, then over to Gemma's flat for a get-together of some kind.
Who are two girls you trust most?
Oooh... shit, tough question. Trust with what? Information, possessions, my life?? A couple of my mates' girlfriends are quite trustworthy and they know me pretty well. Hold up, this quiz is actually for girls isn't it***?
Can you fill this out without lying?
Yes, but not without avoiding some questions.
What are you doing now?
Shirking
When is your birthday?
December 6th
Who was the last person you took a picture with?
The end of Saturday has blurred edges.
What are you listening to?
Nothing right now, but this morning I put on "Blues For The Red Sun" by Kyuss in the car.
Is anything bothering you right now?
Many things, mainly where I'll be in six months time and what will be happening in my life.
Where was the last place you fell asleep other than in your bed?
Sofa bed at Ryan's house, next to Dave George.
What's the very first thing you do when you wake up?
Try to go back to sleep in vain.
*Here I began to suspect it may not be a unisex questionnaire.
**This should have been where it became obvious.
***The penny drops.
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